Some People’s Attitude About Adoption Is Seriously Warped

Started by Sapphire, Jul 14, 2022, 07:32 PM

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Ruby Lee Jul 3

Some People's Attitude About Adoption Is Seriously Warped
The latest adoption forum that I read just boggled my mind.

My sons are both adopted.  Their adoption is not a secret, and my husband and I have always been upfront with everyone about how we became parents. The fact that our sons are Hispanic and we aren't should give people an immediate clue.  We have always been open about answering any questions. Take the time that my youngest son had a car accident. The police officer wanted to know if we were the grandparents. When he realized we were the parents, he had a lot of questions. Keep in mind that we are older than most parents, so we understood the grandparent question, but we were also standing on the medium of a four-lane highway. Nevertheless, we were patient and answered his questions.  Another time, a friend of my husband informed us that if he couldn't have children of his own, then he wouldn't have any at all. He and his wife were sitting with their new baby and toddler son when he said it. He's not my friend; I'm sure you will understand why. I don't know what his problem with adoption was, but I had a problem with him.  I've lost count of how many people ask me where my kids are from.  "Um, America," I reply.

They act so surprised when I say that. There are plenty of Hispanic people in America, I promise!  A woman I met while working at the public library told me that adoption was bad.  Really?

She knew that I was an adoptive parent.  It seems she was one of those babies stolen from South America and passed off to American adoptive parents as an orphan. I'm sorry that she and her biological parents were victims. However, it doesn't mean that all adoption is bad. She was able to find her biological mother and I actually got to meet her.  It's true that some people have no business adopting but remember that there are plenty of people who have no business having kids at all. As a veteran teacher, I saw a lot of bad parenting out there. There were plenty of kids who were left home alone, not fed properly, and were a witness to drug activity. There were plenty who were abused. It was heartbreaking to watch.  As an adoptive mother, I read a lot of books about adoption, and I join a lot of adoption forums. So many adoptive people out there feel a loss in their life and want to understand why they were given away. I don't blame them for wanting to understand. Because of that, I helped my son find his birthmother last month.  I didn't want to stand between him and his birth mother from getting to know each other.  The latest adoption forum that I read just boggled my mind. Whenever an adoptee would mention that they are happy with their adoptive parents, someone would accuse them of having Munchausen Syndrome. How ridiculous is that?

Munchausen Syndrome creates factious illnesses or mental disorders. I can't imagine how they could relate it to adoption at all!  Being adopted doesn't mean being unhappy! Most adoptions work out well. Some adoptees want to meet their birth families, and some don't. My oldest son couldn't care less about meeting his birth family, and my youngest son couldn't wait!  I never told either son anything negative about their origins. I was honest, but I wasn't one of those adoptive parents who painted their birth family as the "bad" guys. There are all kinds of reasons out there for birth parents not being able to raise their children.  They may be too young, or they may not have enough money. For example, one of my friends told me that her parents were killed in a plane crash, and no relatives were available to raise them. She was able to find details of the crash when she was an adult. She was adopted by great people and she grew up very happy. She was also one of the first people to share her story with me when she heard that I was adopting. She had nothing but positive things to say to me and she was very encouraging.  A birth parent may not be able to afford a child at that time in their lives or they may have a substance abuse problem. There are a lot of good reasons to facilitate an adoption.  I don't regret adopting. I have given my sons the best life that I could give. They have never shown me that they are unhappy about being adopted. We are a family and families are created in many different ways.  It's what worked for us!