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My story

Started by Montravia, Apr 25, 2024, 07:16 PM

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I'm not going into too much detail out of respect to my family as I spent too many years of being angry and keeping my distance from them.

When I was 19 years old I was pregnant and no longer with his father.  I wanted to raise my son, had a job, would have also got Chilld Benefit and could have got social housing.  Even if I had been unemployed I would have got benefits so there was no reason why I couldn't have raised my son.

It's not what my mum wanted so his adoption was arranged by her and the adoption agency.  The first time I saw a social worker was after he was born in hospital and I told her that I didn't want him adopted, it was my parents choice.  She said the adoption would be stopped and would give me time to 'sort' myself 'out'.

Instead I wasn't told my rights, didn't see any paperwork or if I did I didn't know what it was, didn't know I couldn't Consent to Relinquish until he was 6 weeks old nor was his father contacted.  Just on the grounds of my son's father wasn't contacted made his adoption illegal.  The Consent to Relinquish form has very conveniently gone missing so I don't have a clue who signed it and if I did I was lied to what it was.

The nearest I have had to an apology has been told by social workers is that it wasn't unusual for the mothers of the mothers who had given birth signed the form.  It doesn't help as I have lived over 39 years without raising my son and being there for him as an adult, it is an invisible amputation that can never be repaired and I have had to learn to live with the pain, never getting over it.  I have suffered with severe depression since then which hasn't eased by me finding my son, him living with us for almost 2 1/2 years then dealing with the fall-out.

As my sister put it he "was a troubled young man" - who didn't want his adopters knowing he had found my family or me finding him five years on from him finding my family.  The only reason his adopters found out the truth is because we were having major problems and my husband rang them for advise.  He was angry as he knew "the can of worms" would be opened, they told us we "got the bad behaviour" even worse than they did.  All I do know is they did care and they knew, like us that he had major issues and in denial.